


Everything I Wished For

by moni_meloni



Series: Choices To Be Made [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Kim Joonmyun | Suho is bad at feelings, Kim Minseok | Xiumin Being a good big brother, M/M, OT9 friendship, Oblivious at first, Sexual Tension, Tension, Zhang Yixing | Lay centric, mentions of sexual behaviour, not explicit though, sulay - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moni_meloni/pseuds/moni_meloni
Summary: Yixing was in love with Junmyeon. With his smile, his kindness and even his jokes.When their manager presents him with the opportunity to promote himself in China, Yixing’s faced with a choice.Go and live his dream or stay and try to woo the man that had his heart? Or maybe both?~~~He straightened himself and asked: “What kind of shorts do clouds wear?” The addressed trio looked at each other, knowing this could only lead to their leader’s loss but still shrugged and waited for the answer.Junmyeon nearly couldn’t contain a laugh,  giggling, his grin already reaching from one ear to the other.“Thunderwear”, he said finally and burst into loud laughter.The others stayed still, unbelieving and just watched their leader silently. How could such a bad joke make a grown, intelligent man so happy?“Told you he’s not funny at all!”, Jongdae said but the members couldn’t help but smile warmly.~~~~A story about how Junmyeon and Yixing finally find each other.





	Everything I Wished For

 

* * *

Sitting across from him, Yixing couldn’t help but admire Junmyeon’s classic features. He was a good-looking man but he never was arrogant about it.  
He sported a radiating smile that also reached his eyes, kind but sometimes mischievous eyes, beautifully plump lips and-

“Oh is there something on my face?” The question directed at him brought Yixing back to reality.  
“Huh? Yeah you’ve got some sauce on your upper lip, Hyung”, he lied to conceal his staring.  
He believed his on-going crush on his band mate was fairly obvious by now. Everyone knew or at least suspected, but the one being admired was as oblivious as a person could be.  
Maybe it was because Junmyeon was too humble to think that someone would like him, it happened in the past. Or maybe it was Yixing’s lack of advances. But what was he to do? Every time he suggested to do something together it was perceived as just hanging out between friends and he was too afraid to confess, not wanting it to be awkward for anyone if he got rejected. Or maybe it was the fact that Junmyeon had only dated women until now.

He was lost in his thoughts, zoning out, only realising it when the phone in his pocket rang. He fished it out of his slacks and left the room to take the call.  
“Hello, Manager Hyung? Is everything okay?”  
“Hello Lay”, their manager had a habit of calling him by his stage name but he didn’t mind, “yes, yes everything’s fine. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll come by the dance studio tomorrow so we can talk.”  
“Alright, I understand.”  
“See you tomorrow then.”  
“Yes, see you tomorrow.” He looked at the phone in his hand, wondering what it would be about. Did he do something? Normally they discussed everything in front of the other members during their weekly meetings, so he was a bit worried about this unusual situation.  
Right then his roommate Jongdae came out of the living room.  
“Everything alright?“  
He cocked his head to the side, waiting for an answer Yixing didn’t know.  
“We‘ll see, I guess.“

Later that evening they actually had no interviews, no shows and no practice whatsoever scheduled, it was a rare occurrence. Everyone decided they wanted to seize the opportunity and do something fun. Too bad that „fun“ was interpreted differently by the members. After endless discussions what to do, in the end Jongin went to meet his best friend Taemin, Baekhyun wanted to go to a club and managed to drag Chanyeol and Sehun along, while Kyungsoo was perfectly happy to go see a movie by himself. That left Yixing, Junmyeon, Jongdae und Minseok.  
They looked at each other questioningly. “What about beer, pizza and a movie?“  
Of course that suggestion came from Minseok, he never hid his love for beer and relaxed movie nights. „Yeah, sounds good”, the members agreed, so their eldest happily went to the store to get some of his favourite drinks while the others ordered pizza and chose a movie.

  
“So what movie do we want to watch?”, Yixing asked when the youngest among them already had a few DVDs in his hands, all of them horror movies. “Jongdae, please, no! I hate horror movies, they‘re scary!“  
„Yes Hyung, that’s kinda the point you know“, he laughed and threw them on the couch. 

„Besides, these are the only ones we have and since the wifi is down at the moment, we‘ve got no choice. It’s this or watching the news.“  
Yixing let himself fall on the couch and sighed.

„Guess I have no choice then.“ Junmyeon who was sitting next to him put a hand on his thigh.

“There is a DVD rental place not far from here, want me to go?”

Trying not to blush he cleared his throat and smiled brightly at the thought that the other was so considerate towards him. “It’s alright Hyung, you don’t need to. But thank you.”

Junmyeon just nodded and removed his hand and the skin he touched before suddenly felt strangely cold. Suppressing another sigh, he discussed with Jongdae which movie would be the least scary one when Minseok returned with a cold beer already cracked open in one hand and a plastic bag with a few more in the other.

The couch across from their tv stand wasn’t really spacious, so only three of them could sit comfortably. To decide who would be the unfortunate one to either sit alone or sit on the floor next to them, they did what every Korean in his right mind would do in this situation: play rock-paper-scissors of course.

  
The first round quickly found a winner and Minseok happily plopped down on the couch with his second beer.  
“I’m not gonna lose!“, Jongdae exclaimed loudly and actually won the next round. “See, I told you!“  
Now it was the leader against the only Chinese member.  
“Two out of three?“  
“Sure.“  
They looked at each other, trying to read their opponent and in the first round, they both chose paper.  
“I thought you‘d choose rock.“  
“You think you can read my mind, Hyung? Cute.“  
“I can and I‘ll prove it !“  
They actually got competitive when it came to games like these and they liked to taunt each other. But despite his announcement, Junmyeon lost all three rounds.  
“Ha ! I knew you’d lose“, Yixing teased. But Junmyeon was not giving up.  
“Another round?“ - “Nope.“ - “Please?”  
“You lost fair and square!”  
“Well, then here’s a suggestion. I’ve read a really funny joke. If you guys laugh, I win and you have to sit on the floor. But let’s exclude Jongdae, he-“  
A loud whining interrupted him. “Awwwaaaeee, why me?”  
\- “You hate my jokes, you say they’re not funny, so whatever I say, you won’t laugh”. It was true and Jongdae couldn’t deny it, so he just nodded and mumbled “Well that’s because you’re not funny”. Junmyeon heard him, shot him a deathly glare but still proceeded confidently.  
“Deal?” - “Yes. Shoot.”

  
He straightened himself and asked: “What kind of shorts do clouds wear?”

The addressed trio looked at each other, knowing this could only lead to their leader’s loss but still shrugged and waited for the answer.  
Junmyeon nearly couldn’t contain a laugh, giggling, his grin already reaching from one ear to the other.

  
“ _Thunderwear_ ”, he said finally and practically burst into loud laughter.  
The others stayed still, unbelieving and just watched their leader silently. How could such a bad joke make a grown, intelligent man so happy?

  
“Told you he’s not funny at all!”, Jongdae said but the members couldn’t help but smile warmly.  
It wasn’t because of the pun, it was because they were glad to see that despite living a busy life and constantly being under pressure, being responsible for 8 other people, simple things like this could make Junmyeon laugh until he had to wipe tears from the corners of his eyes.

“Oh come on! That was really funny wasn’t it?”, he asked, breathing still laboured because of his fit of laughter.  
“Nope.”  
“Sorry, Hyung.”  
“It really wasn’t”, they all agreed and plopped down on the couch.  
“Lost causes”, he sighed and waved his hand dismissively. Then he grabbed a can of beer after starting the movie they agreed on.  
Yixing was getting comfortable on the couch when Junmyeon sat down on the floor between his knees with his back to him and used Yixing’s legs as armrests. “Is it alright, can you see Yixing?”  
He only nodded, happy to have his crush so close. He was someone to be content with what he had, not wishing for things that may never be. So he enjoyed the moment when Jongdae chimed in.  
“Of course he can see, Hyung, you’re not that tall!” That earned him another death glare. “Yeah because you are 5”8 or what?”  
They laughed at the constant playful banter between the two and enjoyed the rest of their relaxed evening.

 

* * *

  

When they took a break during dance practice the next day, their manager walked in and signalled for Yixing to come out. Still not knowing what it could be about, he followed into the adjoining room.  
They exchanged proper greetings and the usual small talk when Yixing finally had the courage to ask why he was here.

“Have you been missing home lately?”  
Confused what that question had anything to do with their manager wanting to talk to him, he nodded.  
“Yes, sure, I always do. But it wasn’t too bad since I also feel home here. Why?”  
“We got some promising offers for you to promote in China. You could release your own solo album, go to shows on your own and we were asked if you’d be interested in hosting a new casting show. It is what you’ve been dreaming of, right? This is a huge opportunity, Lay. One you cannot miss.”  
For a few moments he didn’t know what to say, it was a lot to take in all of a sudden. Then, a frightening thought creeped into his mind.

“You don’t want me to leave EXO, do you?”, he asked quietly.  
His manager shook his head. “Of course not ! It would only be a year or so, you’d still be a member of the band. But you wouldn’t be able to participate in the next album promotions.”  
“I- I see. Can I think about it?”

  
The elder was about to shake his head when he saw the look in Yixing’s eyes. He really looked torn.  
“I’m actually not sure how much of a say you have in this, I’m sorry. I’ll try to talk to the management. So think about it, but don’t take too long. To be honest, you better prepare yourself to go.”  
“I understand”, was all he could manage to say before they parted and he went back to the others, forcing a smile.

 

* * *

  

The following days he wasn’t as cheerful as he normally was and especially Jongdae noticed since they shared a room.  
Jongdae was talking to him but he didn’t really listen, an occasional “hmm” and nod was all he could muster.  
Jongdae frowned, walked over and sat down next to him.

“What is it Hyung?” There was no response whatsoever, so he put a hand on Yixing’s shoulder, which caused him to look up. He hadn’t noticed that someone sat next to him.  
“Is it because of Junmyeon Hyung?”  
Now Yixing’s attention was fully on his roommate. He looked at him questioningly.  
“What do you mean?” The way he asked implied a different question though.

_What and how do you know?_

  
Jongdae was loud, cheerful, often cracking jokes and flashing a cheeky grin; it was easy to think he wasn’t a person to have serious conversations with. But in fact he was really sharp, also noticing the small things, always alert and checking if everything was alright with his brothers, seeing if they needed anything.  
“It’s quite obvious that you like him. I see the way you look at him and how you think thoroughly what to say in certain situations. And sometimes decide not to touch him although you are a touchy person in general. You don’t want him to think you are a push over or anything. Also, although it has been going on for a while now Junmyeon Hyung is as oblivious as a person can possibly be. Which is surprising since everyone kind of knows”, he sighed and threw his arms up.  
“Did I summarise correctly?”

  
After being earnest and to the point, Jongdae couldn’t help but fall back into his cheerful persona and smiled his catlike cheeky smile, knowing that there was no way of denying it. And Yixing didn’t.

  
But he also didn’t admit anything yet, he only stayed silent for a few moments.  
“It’s not about him, I’ve got a lot to think about.” - “You think it’ll help if you talk about it? I’m here to listen if you need me to. I won’t even comment anything and you know how hard that is for me!” Yixing felt Jongdae’s sincerity and suddenly felt thankful for all the friends - no, brothers actually- he had found in his band mates.

“I like him.” He blurted out spurred by their conversation and sat there wide eyed. He had never said it aloud and when he did, he felt his tensed muscles relax and a rush of relief was going through his whole body.

  
He was startled by the lack of response though, so he looked at Jongdae. “Is that okay? I mean-“  
Jongdae cut him off mid-sentence. “Why wouldn’t it be? Of course it is, he is a great leader, an amazing person, good-looking yet humble and kind. I can see why you fell for him. Of course it is!”  
“Yeah but um... what I mean is ... he’s...” Not knowing how to go about this he let his sentence trail off. But his roommate still seemed to know what he was getting at.

“Because he’s a man? Oh Hyung, I don’t care and neither will the others. I hope that is nothing you really worry about. We like who we like, there’s nothing wrong with that, is it?” With a smile in his voice and his white teeth beaming at him, Yixing couldn’t help but feel reassured. He didn’t know how much he needed to hear that his crush wasn’t anything to be worried about - in contrast to his other problem. But he really didn’t want to talk about that one right now.  
“Thank you. I’ll try to sort the other thing out by myself first though.”

 

* * *

 

The following weeks his mood improved. Apart from the relief that Jongdae said everyone would be alright with him liking their leader, he slowly came to terms with the fact that he probably had to leave for China.  
After all, it had been his own choice to enter the idol world. He knew that this life would be hard on him, he had heard from friends.

  
He heard that there would be moments his body would ache so much he couldn’t sleep although he just desperately wanted to pass out on his too small bed, moments he would just cry alone in the bathroom not knowing why but at the same time exactly knowing why, moments he would just want to quit and moments where he would be really close to actually do so. And there were, more of them than he wants to admit.

  
But still, he chose this business, knowing everything it entailed, in hopes of someday living his dream.  
Yixing strongly believed that the harder he worked, the greater his chance at success. Especially after surviving the trainee life, it proved right.  
Sure, it wasn’t always smiles and happiness and it definitely wasn’t as perfect as the media pictured it, but he was able to do what he sincerely and entirely loved.  
He wouldn’t trade making music, dancing and singing for anything in this world, even though he had been and still was miserable at times.  
If it meant going to China to promote his solo activities there, he would go. Even though it hurt him to not see his members as often as before.

Coming to this conclusion had taken a while, the back of his mind always preoccupied by a whirlwind of thoughts.  
So at first he didn’t notice how Junmyeon’s behaviour shifted from always being available to hang out and talk to “I’ve got schedules, sorry” and being subtly pissed.  
Sure, they had a lot on their plates right now, but when everyone but their leader sat on the floor of their dance studio, exhausted by their choreography, he wondered. When was the last time they really talked? Not about work but about anything else.

  
He mentally slapped himself, feeling guilty all of a sudden. He had only been thinking about himself but Junmyeon must have been really stressed out with the upcoming projects and his musical on the side.

His thoughts were interrupted when Jongin sighed loudly. “I’m so hungry! I’d do anything for fried chicken right now!” The other members agreed, discussing if they should order something since nobody thought to bring food and the SM cafeteria was closed that day.

  
“I’ll go grab something from the dorm, meanwhile you guys can rest. I’ll be back in half an hour or so.”  
“Want me to come with you? I don’t want you to get lost”, Chanyeol offered with a grin. He headed to the door laughing loudly. “Hey, that only happened once or twice okay? I remember the way now!”  
“Maybe we should still order, just in case”, he heard Kyungsoo say when the door closed behind him.

Their fridge mostly contained leftovers, he put everything he found into plastic containers and into a bag. They even had some fried chicken left, which was surprising since Jongin seemed to live off chicken and devoured every piece that came into his line of sight. It wouldn’t surprise him to see him biting into a still live chicken, that boy was odd - but good odd - sometimes.

When he heard an accusing voice from somewhere behind him, saying something around the lines that he should be at practice, he turned around with an apologetic smile directed at Junmyeon.

“Sorry hyung, the members said they were hungry so I just went to grab some food. We’ve been practicing for hours without taking a break. How about you? Tired?”

He didn’t get a response, only a moment of silence followed by a grunted “Let’s just go”. He frowned but when Junmyeon headed to the door without another word, he grabbed the food and followed silently.

During their short drive to the studio there was a heavy silence and the bag filled with food felt like a wall put up between them. They normally were perfectly fine spending time together in silence; today was different though. It was too quiet.  
Yixing tried to get a conversation going, fidgeting under the awkward silence, longing for harmony as he always was. “So, how did it go today? Was it fun?“  
The silence remained.  
“Hyung?”  
He must really be stressed out, he thought and put a hand on Junmyeon’s thigh to get his attention.  
“Hyung?”  
\- “What?!” Joonmyeon was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped at the sudden touch and actually snapped at him, which never happened before.  
It worried Yixing so he lowered his voice to a soothing tone. “You know you can talk to me anytime, right? I’m here for you.”  
He half expected the other to apologise or to just say something, but the only reaction he got was that his hand was being removed. He looked down at his hand, wondering what was wrong and feeling a bit hurt. He just wanted to help so where was the problem? He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t say anything since he had a habit of just dealing with things without addressing them.  
So when they arrived he nearly jumped out of the car and breathed in deeply, going up to the studio.

The other’s greeted them with a smile and cries for food. Of course Jongin knew he had chicken with him although he hadn’t seen it yet.

“Hyuuuung you brought chicken right? That’s mine!” Sehun looked at him while shaking his head. “Do you have a sixth fried chicken-sense or something?”

While everyone laughed at that comment Minseok sat down, sweating and complaining how hot it was.  
Yixing, always being nice, wanted to grab some water for him.

“Need a refreshment, Hyung?” He expected anything but the exasperated look on Minseoks face and the defensive stance. „No I‘m good, thanks!“ For a second he was confused but quickly caught on.  
He smirked and started running, Minseok instantly did too. He was in hot pursuit of the glorious butt-grab while the others were cheering and laughing when Junmyeon’s angry voice echoed through the room.  
“Zhang Yixing, stop it! You’ve been holding up practice for long enough now!”

  
It made both of them stop right then and there. While Minseok confusedly apologised and the others got into position to resume training without saying anything about the tense atmosphere, Yixing only looked at Junmyeon. He didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t like he interrupted a lesson. He was about to say something but ultimately decided against it and lowered his head. “Sorry, Hyung.” Maybe Junmyeon just had a bad day?

Later that night when they had dinner together, Sehun voiced his worries about Junmyeon. „Hyung didn’t really eat anything today and he was in a really bad mood. I tried to get him to eat with us but he wouldn’t. Do you guys think he is okay?“  
„I guess he has a lot on his mind right now“, Chanyeol said. „Preparations for a comeback are stressful for everyone, especially for the leader. Let’s just be there for him or give him space if he needs us to. I’m sure he’d tell us if anything was wrong.“ In contrast to his youthful and cute looks, his deep voice emitted a feeling of being wise. He was a sensitive person, good at reading the air and always saying the right things. Well, when he wasn’t busy being mischievous and flashing his thousand watt smile.  
Everyone nodded and Yixing decided to put some food in the fridge. He figured it would be nice to save some in case Junmyeon got hungry.

When the members went to bed after dinner, he decided to make sandwiches for them to bring to practice the next day. And while he was at it, he plugged his headphones into his phone, played the song they were dancing to that day and tried to go through the dance routine in his head. Maybe it would help him memorise it.

Swaying to the tunes in his ears, mouthing the words to the lyrics silently while preparing food for his brothers, he felt himself relax, letting go of all thoughts and just enjoying the calm in his mind.  
In the middle of the song he turned around as the choreographer had instructed them when he caught sight of Junmyeon standing in the door, just looking at him without making his presence known.  
It made Yixing drop the sandwich and put a hand on his heart. “Oh my god Hyung! You scared the hell out of me! What are you doing here?”

While Junmyeon only leaned onto the counter next to him, he put his phone away, grabbed the bread off the floor and went to put the food they had saved into the microwave.  
“I figured you would be hungry. You didn’t eat anything today, so we saved some for you.”

  
Silence.

  
„You know, I was packing lunch for all of us tomorrow. So we wouldn’t have to take such long breaks to get food and-“

  
The microwave interrupted him. Starting to get annoyed because of the lack of responses, he was still so nice to place the plate in front of Junmyeon who had sat down, still without uttering a single word. He breathed in slowly to keep his temper in check and tried to start a conversation once more.  
“Is the food alright?” - “Yes it’s good”. Silence.

  
Again.

  
Not even a nod, not even a look or a thank you.

  
And that was what lit the fuse.  
He only wanted to help, he was frustrated because - apart from being the person he was in love with - Junmyeon was his friend. But an asshole friend right now because Yixing was as nice as he could be despite Junmyeon being bitchy.

“Listen, Hyung, you know I love you”, if he hadn’t been this aggravated, he would have stuttered at that part, “but what the heck is wrong with you these days ? Everything I do is wrong and you keep scolding me! I always apologise though I don’t even know what for! Did I do something to you?”

He was trying not to talk too loudly, he didn’t want to wake the others, his voice sounding strained from the effort.  
But when Junmyeon closed his eyes instead of talking to him, he had enough.  
He closed the distance between them, yanking the chopsticks out of his hyung’s hand and slamming them onto the table. “Talk to me, _what did I do?_ ”

  
That finally coaxed a reaction out of Junmyeon although it was an entirely different one than Yixing had expected.  
Suddenly they were standing really close, facing each other as Junmyeon shot up from his seat fast to confront Yixing.

  
“Don’t you dare ask me that. When were you going to tell me, huh?”

  
— “Tell you what?”

Yixing stumbled backwards, being pushed against the counter. His breathing got erratic and he was well aware of how close they were. He didn’t really register the other‘s harsh tone because Junmyeon’s body heat caused him goose bumps.  
“That you were going to leave us. Leave _me_. The manager told me that after these promotions you’ll be going to China for who knows how long to promote your solo career.”

  
He didn’t know what to say. Or rather he did know what to say, but they were so. damn. close.

  
He looked right into Junmyeon’s eyes, hyperaware of those hands on the counter right next to his hips, the chest rising and falling and their faces so close to each other that he could feel them breathe the same air. He couldn’t help but revel in that feeling, the warmth the other emitted, that moment he often fantasised about.  
Junmyeon on the other hand rambled on as he didn’t notice Yixing’s mood change from being aggravated to being flustered and, well, slightly aroused.  
“How can you not tell us? Were you even going to or would you just have vanished just like the others-“

Yixing had to do something or else he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. He put a hand on Junmyeon‘s chest to push him away but as soon as their bodies connected and he felt the other’s taut muscles underneath his fingers, all force and resolve left him.

He couldn’t do it.

So his hand just rested there, making Junmyeon stop talking, first looking down on the hand on his chest, trailing up Yixing’s arm and finally coming to a halt when their eyes met.

The atmosphere instantly changed, now both aware of the position they were in, eyes locked. Their quick breathing was the only sound in the kitchen until Yixing inhaled sharply. Junmyeon’s hands moved on the counter, towards him, inch by inch, until nearly touching him. His eyes darkened with what Yixing hoped was the same desire that was also overwhelming himself.

  
And when Junmyeon leaned in, actually grabbed his hips and closed his eyes, Yixing’s heart pumped his heated blood through his veins so fast he felt dizzy. “Hyung... I- I...“ he didn’t even know what he wanted to say, so he just whispered the other’s name instead of the honorific he normally used. “Junmy-“

Or so he tried when they suddenly heard foot steps approaching and a voice echoing through the hall destroyed their moment.  
He internally cursed when both of them instantly hid behind the table and Minseok walked into the kitchen, wondering if someone had left the light on. He didn’t see them crouching on the floor, so he just turned off the light and left for the bathroom.

  
The entire time until Minseok was back in his room, and maybe a few minutes after, they didn’t dare to move, the silence between them awkward and darkness so thick they couldn’t see anything.  
Yixing’s mind and heart were racing, trying to figure out what just happened between them - or what _almost_ happened.

  
When the blood flow to his feet was cut off and they started tingling he stood. Was Junmyeon still there? He wanted to call out for him but was too shy to use his name.

„Hyung? You are still there, aren’t you?” A few seconds later he heard a quiet “Yeah.” from somewhere in front of him. But nothing else was said for a few moments before Junmyeon actually wished him a good night and apparently ran out, leaving Yixing standing in the dark, confused.  
„What the hell?“ He clutched his hands to his chest, still trying to calm down. „What the hell!“, he repeated, now smiling brightly, thinking his crush maybe wasn’t as one-sided as he had always thought.

All his frustration has been swept away by their almost-kiss. He would worry about the probable awkwardness between them another time, when he had no choice but to deal with it.  
Right now he was happily humming, although still a bit confused, and turned on the light again to continue making sandwiches. He didn’t think he would be able to sleep that night.

 

* * *

 

Yixing found it was very hard to catch Junmyeon alone. He decided that in order to clear this situation and to not jeopardise their relationship - no matter what kind of relationship that was right now - they had to talk about what happened.  
But as Junmyeon was very successful in avoiding him, it proved impossible to have a conversation.  
Despite that, he sometimes caught him staring, looking him up and down, as if trying to evaluate something. When Yixing looked back at him, he would always blush and avert his eyes quickly. He smirked at that thought, he liked the fact Junmyeon blushed while looking at him. This was some form of progress at least, right?  
The members also noticed the weird atmosphere between them, asking if they had fought multiple times. They tried to bring harmony back but to no avail. Yixing wondered about why Minseok was the only one not asking or saying anything about that matter, since he always felt obligated to take care of his younger band mates as a Hyung. He could’ve seen their conversation coming.

Yixing entered his room and found Jongdae in Minseok watching a movie. As soon as they heard the door close behind him, they looked up and smiled.

“You wanna join, Hyung?”, Jongdae asked. Yixing refused, telling them he had something to do.  
“Have you guys seen Junmyeon Hyung? I can’t find him.”  
Minseok slowly closed the laptop, ignoring his friend’s whining, gaze locked on Yixing.  
“Come, sit here. We need to talk. Jongdae, do you mind?”  
That made the whining stop and Yixing frown.  
“Are you asking me to leave my own room?” Jongdae chuckled and shrugged but still headed to the door when Yixing shook his head.  
“No, Hyung, can he stay?”

Minseok hesitated for a second before he nodded, so the youngest sat down again.  
“Is everything okay?”  
“I just want to talk to you, please sit.”  
He complied, sitting on his bed across both of his fellow members, wondering what this was about. Jongdae also seemed to be clueless as he looked at Minseok questioningly.

  
“You know, one night I woke up and went to the bathroom and-”  
“Wow what a surprise, I’ve never heard of something like that, someone needing to pee at night? Shocking, Hyung. Good thing we’re talking about this”, Jongdae chimed in while patting the oldest’s shoulder. It earned him a jab to his ribs, that only made him laugh.

  
Yixing on the other hand stiffened. He wasn’t talking about _that_ night was he?  
“Ok well, so that night I saw the kitchen light was on and I thought someone had left it on.”

  
Yixing fidgeted with his hands, looking down at the knot that was his fingers. “And when I went in to turn it off, I saw someone hiding. But the thing is, I could see you crouching behind the table. For once it was convenient not to be as tall as Chanyeol.”

  
Jongdae looked from one to the other. “Huh? So Yixing was in the kitchen and hid? Why? And why didn’t you say something then, Hyung?”  
Minseok stayed silent, his eyes still on the one across from him.  
He wanted the other to tell them.  
“So you saw us?”  
“Us? So you weren’t alone? Who were you with? Just teeeeell me please! I don’t wanna be the only one not knowing what we’re talking about here.”

  
Yixing sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Yeah fine, you kind of know already, Jongdae.” Minseok raised his brow at that but still didn’t say anything.  
“I do?”  
Yixing put his head into his hands, hiding his face before talking. He was a bit embarrassed.  
“Ok so I told Jongdae that I ... um... that I like Junmyeon Hyung.”  
He peered through his fingers to see Minseok’s reaction, afraid his friend would see him differently knowing that he liked men. But Minseok only gestured for him to keep going and Jongdae also nodded and shot him a look that said ‘told you it doesn’t matter’.  
Encouraged by that he kept on talking and told them about the incident. When he mentioned the offer to promote in China, he asked them to wait for when he himself had more information and insight before talking about it, to which they agreed.  
“It seems our Manager told him that I already decided that I’d go - which is so not true - and he was angry that I hadn’t said anything.”  
Minseok nodded again.  
“It really was hard on him when the others left. People said he wasn’t good enough of a leader to make them stay. I think Kris’s departure in particular hurt him since they had a similar position and they could help each other out.”  
“Yeah I guess he felt left behind and he was afraid you would do the same. But apart from that, why the hell were you hiding when someone walked in on your fight?”  
Yixing burried his head in his hands again, blushing.  
“Ah, well, that. We- umm... we didn’t fight at that moment. We somehow, kind of, almost kissed I guess?”  
With every word his voice became smaller.

Both Minseok und Jongdae shot up from the bed, crushing the snacks lying on the floor in front of them.  
“WHAT?”, they burst out in unison.  
“You kissed? Then why don’t you talk? Is it so no one would get suspicious? Or were you looking for him to hook up or something?”  
Jongdae was so straightforward it sometimes shocked himself. He chuckled lightly.  
“I meant to say, care to elaborate?”  
Laughing they sat down again before Yixing went on.  
“I said we almost kissed. Well, at least I think we were going to, when you” - he shot a playful glare to Minseok - “interrupted by coming into the kitchen. I guess we panicked, Junmyeon Hyung more than I, and out of reflex we hid. But not successfully as it seems.”  
“Sorry, Xing. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”  
“You couldn’t have known, it’s alright.”  
“And since then? Are you dating now?”  
That’s when another sigh escaped Yixing’s lips.  
“I wish. He just ran out on me and since then I haven’t really talked to him. I mean, we talked, but never in private. He is really good at avoiding situations where it’s only the two of us. And isn’t he straight anyway? Ah...” He heaved yet another sigh. ”I really should talk to him, huh?”

„I hope you guys work things out. I believe you would make a nice couple.” It was a heartwarming comment and when Jongdae agreed, Yixing couldn’t help but jump on the other bed, knocking his friends down in the process, engulfing them in a bone crushing hug. He was far too relieved not to.

  
„Thank you! Thank you! Do you know how much I love you?“

  
„It’s not us you should be saying that to.”

 

Lying in bed somewhat relaxed because of his friends’ support, he looked at the ceiling, still not being able to sleep. He decided there was no use in trying, so he just got dressed in clothes comfortable to dance in and made his way to the dance studio.  
His favourite practice room was the first one to his right when he entered. It was the one he always practiced in and some time ago he even brought a small lamp so he didn’t have to turn on the blinding head lights.

  
He always felt home in a dance studio, wherever in the world he was.  
It was the place where he spent most of his time, even before becoming a trainee, when he was a child full of dreams.  
It was a place he could work towards his goal, he could make his dreams come true. Because, as he always said and believed:

>>the harder you work, the luckier you are<<.

He turned on the small light and went to plug his phone into the stereo.  
The moment before their new song started, he enjoyed the silence, his breathing and the static sizzle the only sounds audible.

But as the music poured out of the speakers so did the movements from his body.  
He moved around smoothly, loosing himself in the beat, eyes half closed. He let himself be guided by the tunes, be immersed in the familiar feeling of dancing in the dark, not thinking about anything or anyone. He just let go.

When the upbeat song stopped, he was out of breath and sweating but happy, starting to recognise his surroundings again. He had been so focused on his dancing that he didn’t notice the person sitting in the corner across the light.  
When he stepped into their direction, he saw it was Junmyeon sitting on the floor with his head leaning on the wall - asleep. When did he come in? And what was he doing here? It was already far into the night, nearly morning again.

He squatted in front of the sleeping figure. Junmyeon’s face seemed so relaxed he almost didn’t want to wake him, but sleeping like this couldn’t have been comfortable. Besides, he guessed that this would be a rare chance to get him alone and talk.

  
„Hyung, wake up. Hyung! You’ll catch a cold when you sleep on the floor!” He slightly shook him until Junmyeon sleepily opened his eyes. Yixing waited for him to realise what was going on.  
Junmyeon blinked and seemed to blush since he was caught. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat and tried to stand, but the narrow space Yixing created with his legs was too small to do so.  
He saw him struggle and held out a hand. „Come on, I‘ll help you“.  
Junmyeon hesitated for a second before grabbing his hand but he inevitably did.

The moment their hands touched everything seemed to zero in on them, he could only look into the other’s eyes, grabbing the hand tightly and a shiver ran through his body.  
His self control was tested greatly and before he knew what he was doing, he pulled Junmyeon up, pushed him against the wall with his own body and growled deep in his throat.  
“I won’t let you run anymore. I. Won’t. Let. You.” He accentuated every word, his desire turning his words into a hushed whisper. So much for his self control.

Junmyeon looked at him wide eyed, lips slightly parted. “I don’t want to run anymore.”

  
Hearing those words, Yixing’s breathing hitched and his eyes darkened. He _wanted_ Junmyeon with every fiber of his now heated body.  
And when he heard a “Let’s talk later” from the older, his last bit of sanity was washed away in an instant.  
“Later”, he agreed and finally pulled Junmyeon in.

Their kiss was electrifying, passionate, heated and Yixing loved how their lips melted together, fit together.  
He put his arms around Junmyeon’s neck and when he felt hands touch the sensitive skin on his hips, he shivered.  
He wanted more.  
“Junmyeon”, he moaned against the other’s lips and Junmyeon did exactly what he wanted him to do.  
He felt strong hands passing the hem of his shirt, travelling up and down his upper body. His breathing ragged he enjoyed every moment of it, leaning in for another kiss.

  
When they parted due to lack of oxygen, Junmyeon grabbed him by his waist and turned around, so it was now Yixing’s back against the wall.  
“I like it when you say my name. Do it again”, he was ordered and gladly complied.

  
“Junmyeon”, he breathed and the next moment he felt lips leaving kisses down his neck and shoulders. His blood flowing to the southern parts of his body he couldn’t help but close his eyes, lean his head back against the wall and revel in the attention of the person he wanted for so long, moaning his name again and again.  
He only opened them when he suddenly felt his shirt being pulled up so he raised his arms and gone was the sweaty shirt.  
Junmyeon looked him up and down.

“Oh fuck, you’re hot.”  
Yixing laughed at that comment, he had never heard him swear.  
“Did the well-behaved Kim Junmyeon just swear?”  
He couldn’t really process the next words because his attention was fully on Junmyeon’s beautiful smile while approaching him again.  
“Don’t you think it’s unfair that you’re wearing a shirt and I’m not? It seems unfair to me.” As soon as he was close enough again, Yixing got rid of the piece of cloth that was between him and the beautiful sight that was Junmyeon’s abs. „Now that’s fair I’d say.“

  
It seemed like he stared for a while because Junmyeon blushed and looked at him, telling him he was beautiful. It caught him off guard, not expecting such loving words in a situation like this.  
He felt Junmyeon’s sincerity but also uncertainty in the next kiss as it was a shy one, a slow one seemingly testing the waters.  
He melted into the touch, putting his arms around the other and pulling him even closer, trailing a hand up and down his spine to assure him that everything was alright. That _this_ was alright.

  
The kisses became hungrier and sloppier, their hands explored each other’s bodies, touching every part they could find, and so the atmosphere became even more heated.  
When Junmyeon lightly tugged his black hair he let his hands wander around the other’s body, marvelling at the taut muscles tensing beneath the flawless skin.

  
“Ah Xing...”, he breathed and pressed their bodies together even more, his arousal against Yixing’s thigh.  
“God, Junmyeon.” More sighs and moans spilled from his lips as Junmyeon‘s hands wandered towards the waistband and that was when he snapped back into reality.

  
This was his best friend who he thought was into women, who didn’t really talk to him for a few weeks and who maybe was just sexually frustrated.  
He thought he had readied himself for this being a once in a life time thing but he knew better. If they really slept together Yixing wouldn’t be able to leave his feelings out of it.  
So before Junmyeon could pull down his slacks, he grabbed his wrists.  
They looked at each other, still breathing heavily, hair tousled and lips swollen from their kisses.

  
“Wait, are you sure you want this? Because I do and I don’t think I could handle it if this was a one time thing. I like you. I really do.”

  
There. It was out. He said it.

  
It wasn’t how he planned it because frankly, he didn’t plan on confessing in the first place. But right this moment he felt it was important to do so. For him, for Junmyeon, for their friendship or whatever Junmyeon was ready to give.

  
Getting nervous, he was already fidgeting and thinking about how to salvage this situation when he finally got a reply; one he did not exactly expect.

  
“I don’t know if I’m gay or whatever. I just know that I want to be with you. Not only now and not only physically. I guess I really like you too.”  
His smile was sincere when he spoke and Yixing couldn’t believe what he just heard. They actually liked each other!

  
When he was about to say something though, Junmyeon freed his arms and started walking towards the door.  
Panicking, Yixing called after him, afraid he’d leave him standing there again, like that night in the kitchen.  
„Yaaah, where are you going? Don’t you dare-“  
Junmyeon turned around, a hand on the door and smirked at him. At the sound of the door being locked, his breath hitched yet again.  
“We wouldn’t want anyone walking in on us once again, right?”  
Yixing only gulped and his eyes followed Junmyeon crossing the room until he stood next to the lamp.  
“And since there is a window we better turn off the light. Or do you want me to leave it on?”

  
It was the middle of the night but as it was quite normal for trainees to use the company’s facilities every hour of the day, there was a slim chance someone would see them. Still, Yixing nodded, slightly blushing. He wanted the light to be on, to see Junmyeon so he could remind himself that this wasn’t a fantasy or a dream. - And for the thrill of course.

  
Junmyeon let out a surprised chuckle but didn’t turn it off. Instead, he slowly made his way back to where Yixing was still standing wide-eyed, with an enticing smile that could only be described as downright sexy.

  
As soon as Junmyeon was within reach, Yixing grabbed the other’s hands, pulled him in and put them around his own waist so that their chests touched.  
Then he let his hands travel up Junmyeon’s muscular arms, his shoulders, stroking the sensitive skin right under his ear and grabbed a fistful of brown hair. A loud moan escaped Junmyeon’s lips as he felt Yixing’s on his neck, sucking a bruise right into the crook of his neck. Their make up people would not like this.

  
“So, Xing, where were we?”  
Breathing heavily, they looked at each other while Junmyeon had a firm grip on the waistband of Yixing’s pants once more.  
They both knew they reached a point of no return - and they didn’t care.

 

The sun began rising and the soft light illuminated Junmyeon’s face, highlighting his cheek bones, his jawline and the small creases around his eyes brought out by his content smile.  
Yixing couldn’t help but look while Junmyeon’s eyes were closed.  
“Stop staring, Xing.”  
“How do you know I’m looking at you? Maybe I’m not?”  
“Of course you are. I can practically feel it.”  
With that, he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at the younger. They were lying on their backs next to each other, shoulders touching, fingers intertwined and Junmyeon’s thumb drawing circles on the back of Yixing’s hand.  
“Well, that was ... nice.”  
Yixing shot him an incredulous look.  
“Nice? Are you serious, Hyung? That’s all you have to say? _Nice?_ We just jerked each other off-”

  
Despite his words, Yixing grinned while Junmyeon blushed furiously and interrupted him by covering his mouth with his free hand.  
“God, you’re so straight forward sometimes!  
But well, you know, I haven’t done anything like this with a man before, Xing. I didn’t really know what to expect or do. I-... It was okay wasn’t it?”

  
Yixing’s expression softened, an understanding smile spreading across his face and he removed the hand preventing him to speak and placed a kiss on the palm.  
“It was perfect. And so are you, so don’t worry.“  
Yixing planted a chaste kiss on Junmyeon’s lips and got up looking for his boxers, finding Junmyeon’s first and throwing it to him.  
“We should take a shower and head back, the others might be wondering where we are.”

 

* * *

 

On their way back Yixing fought the urge to take Junmyeon’s hand while walking, knowing it would not be wise. Even more so when you were an idol.  
So the next best thing was walking closely next to each other, shoulders touching.  
“Hey, Xing, can I ask something?”

“Of course you can. Anything.” He lightly bumped the brunette’s shoulder with his and smiled.

“How long- I mean, when- ... um, it’s-” Junmyeon stared straight ahead, concentrating to find the right words.

“It’s about China, right? You want to ask about that.”  
Junmyeon nodded and sighed.  
“Yes. Apart from whatever we are now, we’re still in a band with 7 others. I could handle it I guess, but do you remember how they used to ask if you would also leave? It broke my heart every time. It would be hard on them.”

Of course Yixing remembered. How could he forget those sad puppy eyes from his mostly younger brothers, asking him to not leave, to stay by their side.  
That was the moment he swore he would never leave them, come what may.  
He would never be responsible for sadness coming their way.

“It wouldn’t be hard on you? You could handle it?”

Junmyeon knew Yixing wasn’t serious but he blushed all the same when he said “I would miss you.”  
But then his voice also got teasing.  
“As a leader to this group of course.”  
They both laughed when Yixing let out a fake-shocked gasp and put a hand to his heart.  
“You wound me, Junmyeon!”

  
At the mention of his name without the honorific he was used to, Junmyeon’s face became serious again.

  
“Seriously though, Yixing. What’s up with your China plans?”

  
Facing downwards, the hood of his sweatshirt covered most of Yixing‘s face.  
“I thought about it a lot. When our manager first told me, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave you. I mean, I still don’t want to, but what I was offered was everything I ever dreamed of, Junmyeon.“ He looked up, smiled and dared to briefly squeeze the other’s hand. “Well, not _everything_ I dreamed of.”

  
Laughing at himself for the cheesy remark and at Junmyeon beaming (but still blushing) at him, he continued.  
„Anyway, it is a decision that was not easily made. I really want this and I sincerely hope you understand.  
I‘m sure you in particular will, you’ve been training for years and years before debuting. You also chose this life fully knowing what it meant, right?“  
Junmyeon nodded.  
„And please know that despite us being apart, I will still support all of you, be there for all of you and love you. You guys are family after all. We’ve been through so much together, someday we will just add this to the list of things that made us grow closer.“

After a pause, Junmyeon finally spoke.  
“It’s not that I don’t understand. I was mad that you didn’t tell me.  
It’s a big decision, personally but also for our group, you know?  
And I would have liked to hear it from you.“

At the hurt tone Yixing stepped in front of Junmyeon, facing him and putting his hands on Junmyeon‘s shoulders, looking right at him.  
“I‘m sorry I did not tell you. When you heard about it, there was still no decision, believe me.  
I was still trying to come to terms with all of it because honestly, even if I didn’t want to go, they would make me.  
And I felt so torn because I want to go but I also want to stay with you guys.  
Now more than ever, we’ve made it even more difficult for me to go.“

“Because you like me?“  
Junmyeon chuckled at his own blunt question and so did Yixing while turning around and starting to walk again.

“Yes, exactly. I’ve liked you for a long time, Kim Junmyeon, and you finally noticed.“

“So what now, Xing, are we dating then?”  
His voice sounded uncertain. But when he hoped Yixing would give an answer, the other just turned his head and raised a brow.

“Do you want to?”

\- “Hey, I asked a question first!”

“And I asked another one; a more important one. Because you know I want to. But this is about going at the right pace for _you_. I will be away for some time soon.  
And I remember how it was for me coming to terms with also being into men, it wasn’t always easy.  
Also, since we’re idols, it is especially hard because you have to hide it, no matter what.  
There’s no way we can be in the open with our sexuality, you understand that right?  
So you think about it and if you need to, talk to me.  
As for me, I would be beyond happy to be with you, despite the distance. If it’s something you also want of course.“

“Wow.” Junmyeon was baffled by how much Yixing must have thought about this. But then again, he had always been the most thoughtful person he knew, so he didn’t need much time to decide.

“I have no idea how this is gonna go and if it is the right decision to make right now, but I want to try. Whatever it may be we‘re getting into here. It feels right.“

Warmth spread through Yixing as he heard these words and saw a loving and shy smile spread across Junmyeon’s face.  
“And you know what kind of person I am. For me it’s either go big or go home, I don’t do things half heartedly.  
Let’s be boyfriends then.”

  
With that, Yixing’s self control was gone with the wind again.  
He pulled Junmyeon into a hug and kissed him on the cheek.  
“That’s one of the million things I like about you, do you know that? And I like your laugh, your-”  
“Xing, please, stop, it’s embarrassing!” But despite his words Junmyeon laughed and hugged him back for a second before pulling himself free. “We should hurry, we have practice and the other’s need to eat beforehand.  
Ugh, sometimes I really feel like a mom to our group.”

Chatting freely about this and that, joking around and laughing, they opened the door their dorm.  
Even before they could properly put their shoes away, Sehun was already on them.  
“Joonmyeon Hyung, where have you been? I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there!“  
Minseok and Baekhyun had followed Sehun out of the kitchen and as soon as Minseok caught Yixing‘s eyes, he knew.  
He just smiled and nodded briefly.  
Baekhyun on the other hand picked up on the overall mood and he also knew instantly. He wasn’t one to pass up an opportunity to tease his brothers.

“Oooooh~”, Baekhyun poked Junmyeon’s side, giggling and wiggling his eyebrows,  “I guess you guys finally got rid of the _tension_ , huh?”

Yixing couldn’t help but burst out laughing at Junmyeon who was blushing furiously.  
“Byun Baekhyun! I don’t even know what to say!”  
“Just say yes, Hyung!”

To Junmyeon‘s relief, Minseok tried to intervene, also smiling at them though.  
“Baek, come on, leave them alone.“

Sehun had been following their banter curiously until he finally understood.  
„Oh no!“  
Yixing worried if Sehun was against them being together, his mind instantly reeling when their youngest made clear what his Problem exactly was, dispersing his worries as fast as they have come up.

“Now our room will be used for that kinda stuff right? I need new ear phones! No, ear plugs might be better! Hyung, it’s your responsibility to buy them for me, right? Please tell me beforehand, so I can sleep on the couch or something. Or maybe we should establish a code? Like a sock on the door? Or maybe I should move? Swap rooms with Yixing Hyung? Aaah, I really don’t wanna walk in on something, Hyung...  
I‘m still a baby, don’t do this to me!“  
Sehun actually pouted and they all laughed at Junmyeon‘s whispered „Yeah yeah, Sehun, everything’s alright. No need to worry.“

By the time Kyungsoo stuck his head out of his bedroom door, blinking the sleep away, Yixing‘s cheeks already hurt from laughing and Kyungsoo’s nonchalant comment about them finally doing it, didn’t help as they all fell into another fit of loud laughter again - while Junmyeon only gaped at the now closed door.

  
“Guess I’m not the only one thinking that!”

Before Junmyeon could tell Baekhyun to finally shut up, Yixing took his hand and smiled fondly at him.

“Hyung, let’s go make breakfast for everyone.” So they went into the kitchen, where it all kind of started, smiling at the kissing noises Baekhyun loudly made to keep teasing them and just grinned at each other.

 **This** was everything Yixing had dreamed of.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I post here.  
> I am super nervous! >_<
> 
> If you like it, please leave Kudos and comments <3  
> Now, I hope you enjoyed, because we all need some more SuLay in our lives ~.^
> 
> If you guys like this and want more, please tell me :) I would write a Suho Version of this, the story from Junmyeon’s POV.


End file.
